Meetings Archive - The Art of Communicating

The Story Hijack

(This post is available as a podcast episode. Click here if you prefer listening.)

You’re in the exec meeting. You finally have the floor and share a story you’ve chosen carefully, something that proves a point, that shows what’s really going on.

But halfway through, a colleague jumps in: “Oh, that reminds me of when we…”

And suddenly, it’s their story. Their airtime.
Your point vanishes into thin air.

So frustrating, isn’t it? “Why do they always have to hijack the story just to make themselves look smart?”

Honestly, it stings. It can feel like they’re trying to undercut you.

But are they?

Here’s what might be going on:
In leadership teams, airtime is currency.
It signals relevance, influence, status.

So when someone hijacks your story, it’s not necessarily to undercut you. Often, it’s a move to prove they belong. It’s insecurity wrapped in performance.

And if we’re honest, it’s not even unusual.
Every one of us has done it at some point.

You hear a story, it triggers one of your own, and you can’t resist. You jump in to contribute, to connect, to show you’ve got something valuable too.

Seen through that lens, the hijack is less about malice and more about need. The need to be heard. The need to be seen.

So what do you do?

You don’t win by fighting for airtime harder. You win by using your airtime to turn the spotlight around.

Instead of keeping it on yourself, you point it forward.
Onto the team. Onto the path ahead.

Making them feel seen. Nurturing a sense of belonging.

As long as airtime feels like it’s about individuals, people will fight for it. But when you turn it toward the group, the fight disappears.

Because when people feel the spotlight includes them, they stop grabbing for it.

Keep lighting the path!

PS: Join us tomorrow for an exclusive live session on How to Lead with Clarity, even when “the system” doesn’t seem to want it.

The people in the system

When we talk about the system, it’s easy to picture some faceless machine. Cold. Rigid. Against us. But the truth is the system is made of people.

And I deeply believe that most are well-intentioned. They’re not trying to sabotage clarity. They’re simply doing their best, just from their very own perspective.

Think of that colleague who says, ‘Let’s not open that can of worms right now.’

To you that sounds like denial.
But to them it might be self-protection.

Maybe they got burned the last time they spoke too plainly.
Maybe they’re carrying pressure from their boss that you don’t see.
Maybe they’re just terrified of being the one to break the bad news.

So while you hear resistance, what’s actually happening is coping. What looks like jargon to you might feel like a shield to them.

The default reaction is to push back.
After all, you’re right and they’re not.

Or are you?

And more importantly, does it matter? Is it helping? Are we really playing for who’s right or are we trying to get it right?

Together.

If you treat them like obstacles, you’ll push harder.
But if you see them as humans with fears, ambitions, and scars, you’ll search for resonance instead.

You’ll look for ways to lower their defenses. Something they can align with.

Clarity doesn’t have to expose them. It can protect them.
It can give them words that feel safe enough to use.
It can light a next step that doesn’t humiliate them but invites them.

And when you do that, you stop pushing against the system and start aligning with the people in it.

That’s when things finally start to move.

Keep lighting the path!

PS: If you want to dig deeper and learn how you can apply that in your meetings, join us on Sep 4th for an exclusive live session: How to Lead with Clarity in a System That Won’t Let You.

A little cheat sheet for your next meeting

A little cheat sheet to hand out to your team to make presentations more effective.

We all spend so much time in meetings.
And so little time thinking about how to make the best use of this time.

Here’s an attempt at it:

I hope you find it useful.
Feel free to share, print it out, or hang it as a poster in your office.

What would you add?

PS: Here’s a PDF of the meeting cheat sheet.

5 minutes

That’s how long I wait.

After that I’ll leave the call and write a note asking if anything got in their way.

I always give a second chance. But not a third.

Fortunately, that rule is rarely needed.

How do you handle late comers and no-shows?

“You can’t be serious!”

I’m pretty sure that this thought has crossed your mind more than once in meetings when someone you considered smart supported a (seemingly) nonsensical take.

Or when someone made an insane statement that seemed to contradict everything you consider common sense.

When this happens, instead of asking what’s wrong with them, I suggest to ask “What’s going on?”. For example, that person might
→ want to be seen by someone in the meeting.
→ want to belong to a certain (sub)group.
→ feel the need to negotiate their status with someone.

Things like that are sometimes not obvious if you’re deep down in the factual argument. But opening your eyes for it can help make sense of their take.

Once you see it, you’ll recognize that more rational arguments from your side won’t change their mind, if only because their take is not about logic at all (to be fair, it could be totally subconscious).

You’ll much rather need to find words that address the actual game they’re playing.

Which might mean asking more questions (as opposed to providing more facts). Or it might mean to ignore their take and turn your attention to the person that’s influencing the “irrational” take.

How do you handle seemingly irrational behavior in meetings?

Let’s try doings

Meetings can be a living nightmare.
Let’s try “doings” instead. What’s the difference?

Meetings have an agenda, doings a goal.

Meetings cover topics, doings aim for results.

In a meeting, you talk about things.
In a doing, you do things.

To be sure, getting to results can involve lots of talking.
But it’s not about the talking.

Too often, we meet just for the talking.
Ending up with lots of, well, talk but no result.

But where will the talking lead you?
Asking that question is a powerful shift already.

You don’t meet to talk.
You talk to make progress.

Often, when a meeting is over, the work starts.
But when a doing is over, the work is done (ideally, at least).

Here’s a simple recipe:

There’s an issue. (For example, a decision needs to be made. A plan needs to be made. A conflict has emerged and you seek alignment.)
No issue, no gathering.
You agree on what exactly you want to do in the meeting.
You gather in a room.
You do what you said you’d do.

Even if the result is merely a plan, if that’s what you agreed upon as the goal of gathering in a room, then that’s much more than the open-endedness of many meetings that simply end because time’s up.

Getting people together, whether in a meeting room or online, to work on solving problems is great. The problem is when it’s just for the sake of it.

How do you deal with meeting madness?

PS: Don’t get me wrong. There’s tremendous value in “merely” meeting for the sake of it, but there might be better places than a meeting room.

Meeting madness

This meeting could have been a memo.
Unfortunately, no one reads memos.
So it had to be a meeting.

The best way to get rid of unproductive meetings is to create an environment where they are not needed.

Can’t quite put my finger on it

Recently, in the mind of some random person: “It’s… odd. I just had two meetings, back to back, and they’ve left me feeling so different, and I’m not quite sure why. The first one had it all – flashy presentation, persuasive arguments, all the right words. It was like a well-rehearsed play, everything in its perfect place. I felt… well, I felt impressed.

“But then there was the second one. It wasn’t as… shiny? We chatted, we laughed. They seemed genuinely curious about what I had to say, which was a pleasant surprise. There wasn’t this rush to get me to agree or nod my head, just this… space. A space for thoughts, feelings… connection?

“I don’t know how to put it. With the first, I felt like I was on a fast-moving train, being shown the sights outside the window. But with the second, it was like a leisurely walk in a park, noticing things together. It’s strange, isn’t it? Both paths led to the same destination, but one journey just felt… richer? Warmer? I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there’s something about that second meeting that lingers with me.”

The impressive performance in the first meeting can be bought with time and money. Hire a good agency, practice, and you’re there.

The second meeting requires empathy and genuine interest, things that can’t be bought.

What was being said?

It never ceases to amaze me how much time people spend in meetings without writing anything down.

Which leads to time being wasted with repetitive statements and arguments about what was actually being said, let alone: being meant.

Writing things down forces us to become focused and specific.

It streamlines the discussions when everyone can see what was already mentioned. It removes vagueness in the statements when we can challenge a specific wording. And it commits everyone to a written result as opposed to thoughts and feelings that are different in everyone’s memory.

The cool part of the story is that the same benefits apply when you’re having a meeting with just yourself.

“Can all of you see my brilliance?”

Status updates are supposed to quickly inform everyone about the status of a project.

Too often, though, these updates are much rather about the status of the people in the project and carry double meanings along the lines of “I’m not to blame for the delay.”, “This is my kingdom. Don’t you dare to invade it.”, “I’m smarter than her.” etc.

In many cases, this happens when the team can’t see how the project is about something bigger than themselves. And so, they lack a sense of belonging to a team that achieves more than anyone could achieve on their own.

Which means that, effectively, everyone’s on their own team.

Which is why they need to protect their status.

Great project leaders create that sense of belonging. They light the path by communicating with irresistible clarity where we’re going as a team, why we’re going there and why everyone belongs.

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