Here’s a question I get asked a lot:
“In the debate of what you say vs how you say it, which is more important?”
The answer is more nuanced than you think.
First of all, style and delivery obviously make a difference. They can light up a room or switch it off. They can make people lean in or turn away. But ideas can only make an impact if people lean in.
And so, it’s no wonder people often claim it doesn’t matter what you say, only how you say it. It sounds clever, almost worldly. But the more you think about it, the less sense it makes.
Because if the what doesn’t matter, then why bother saying anything at all?
What really matters in the what vs. how debate
Now, I get where this comes from. We’ve all seen average ideas succeed because they were communicated well, while better ones lost because they were not.
But here’s a truth that doesn’t quite fit: ideas don’t move people just because they’re spoken with charm. They move people because they resonate.
And resonance happens when style and substance work together.
The ones who seem “naturally persuasive” aren’t simply more charismatic. They’ve done the hard work of empathy. They’ve listened closely. They’ve discovered the words that fit their audience’s world. And suddenly, the message doesn’t feel like persuasion at all. It feels like recognition.
So, when you look closely, it’s not at all about slickness or talent. The people who seem so naturally persuasive usually just understand their audience better. What they say feels like what you were waiting to hear all along.
That’s not trickery. That’s not clever wording. That’s empathy.
A nuanced answer to the what vs. how question
Empathy changes the game. Because when you truly care about what you say, you also care about how it lands. You do the work to make sure it resonates. You search for the words that don’t just express your truth, but awaken their truth.
That’s when style and substance stop being two sides of an argument. They become inseparable. The belief you carry and the way you express it become one and the same.
And in that moment, trust is built. Change becomes possible.
So no, it’s not one or the other.
It’s both: what you say and how you say it.
But the “what” is where it begins.
Keep lighting the path,
Michael
