When people push back on your idea, what do you do?
You try harder. At least I did. But it backfired …
When my message wasn’t landing, I explained it again, added another detail, tweaked the wording once more.
And it felt good. Like I was in control of who’s right and who’s wrong. My effort meant I was making progress in proving it. Only that I wasn’t. I often made it worse.
Like so many others, I fell for the illusion of control:
(Over-)explaining → felt like clarity, but drowned out the point.
(Over-)crafting → felt like sharpening, but smoothed out what made it real.
(Over-)persuading → felt like getting closer to winning them over, but created distance.
The more I tried to control the conversation, the less control I actually had:
More detail = less convincing.
More refinement = less authentic.
More persuasion = more resistance.
And so, instead of making progress, I brought up people’s defenses. No one likes to be proved wrong, let alone being wrong.
Once I saw this, I saw it everywhere: By trying to force my angle, I was actually making it harder to align with.
Instead of, you know, making it easy to align with.
For example, instead of
… perfecting your words, you could listen for the ones they use.
… persuading, you could connect to what already makes sense to them.
… saying more, you could make what you say unmistakably clear.
All of this invites people to bring down their defenses. Which means you can stop persuading because you resonate.
How do you handle it when people resist your angle?
Keep lighting the path!
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PS: My new workbook “How to Say It So It Matters” contains powerful prompts to guide you there. Free for owners of “The PATH to Strategic Impact”, or just $5 for everyone else.
