I think that in many situations the more appropriate question to ask would be: “What’s going on here?”
It could very well turn out that – really – nothing’s wrong with them. Their stance might actually make a lot of sense when looking from their perspective. They’ve got a different context. They’ve had different experiences. They know different things. From these experiences and in that context things can look very differently.
We still might not agree with what we see, but looking through that lens can help us discover paths that keep a conversation going.