silence Archive - The Art of Communicating

Did you ever notice that listen and silent are anagrams?

Most of us are terrible at being silent in a conversation.
But here’s what happens if you become better at it.

→ Someone finally says what they really mean.
→ Someone admits a worry they would not share otherwise.
→ You catch a detail you almost missed.
→ You realize your first reaction was off.
→ Someone corrects themselves and lands on something clearer.
→ A better idea appears because there was space for it.
→ A quiet person finally speaks up.

Because they feel like you are actually listening.

Or, in other words, because you stayed silent long enough for this to happen. Often, that means a little longer than feels comfortable for others.

Silent is
… how we pay attention.
… how we allow others to open up in a conversation.
… how we give the space for their words to unfold naturally.
… how we reflect on what is being said.

If we cannot stay silent for that to happen, are we really listening? Worse, too often we talk ourselves out of an insight we were just about to receive.

And so, I’m now going to shut up and listen to what you have to say about this. Would love to hear what you make of the fact that listen and silent are anagrams. Just hit reply.

Keep lighting the path,
Michael

The Conductor

A symphony conductor lifts their baton. The orchestra is ready, the audience falls silent.

But instead of beginning immediately, the conductor pauses.

Just for a second.

In that pause, something remarkable happens:
→ The musicians sharpen their focus.
→ The audience leans in.
→ Anticipation builds.

The silence becomes part of the performance.

.
.
.

Then, the music begins.

Da, da, da, daaaa …

This pause isn’t an empty space. It’s a moment of intensity.

In communication, though, most of us rush to fill that silence. We feel the need to start speaking as soon as possible … as if the silence will make us seem unprepared, unsure, or weak.

But that might break your impact before it even had a chance to unfold. It gets drowned in the rush.

The pause before you begin is just as important as the message itself.
→ You focus.
→ The audience leans in.
→ Anticipation builds.

And when you finally start to speak, it’s in a moment of intensity.

Keep lighting the path!

Underrated

What’s the most underrated part of a great message?

It’s not the words.
Not the story.
Not the delivery.

But the silence in between.

The pause.

Why? Because the pause is where the reflection occurs.

It’s in that moment, just after you’ve said something profound, where your audience truly hears it.

Too many communicators rush past this moment. They fill the silence with more words, more data, more arguments.

But when you don’t pause, you don’t give them the chance to feel it. To process it. To make it theirs.

That’s when your point sticks.
Not in never-ending stream of arguments.
In the pause.

A pause doesn’t just sit there, waiting. It works for you.

Try it and see what happens when you trust your words to resonate a little longer.

.
.
.

And then … perhaps still a bit longer.
Long enough to feel uncomfortable.
Long enough for your audience to lean in.

Keep lighting the path!

Silence

Nowadays, even if there’s no sound, the world doesn’t feel silent very often, does it?

As soon as we pause, our phones cry “Check me!”.

The noise that’s social media (or Slack, email, you name it) doesn’t give our mind a pause like sitting in silence at a lake does.

Even though the latter might have much more ambient noise than your “silent office”.

What if you changed the meaning of silent to refer to giving your mind a little pause? To stop the noise of other people’s ideas flooding your thoughts and give your own thoughts a little more volume, even the quiet ones?

That kind of silence feels very different.

Actually, today feels like a good day to give it a try.

What’s your definition of silence?
When was the last time you truly experienced that?

Switching off

My favorite TV show as a child always ended with a call to action: “You can safely switch off the TV now!”

Which we did. Even though it was probably more our parents’ decision than ours, it was often the start to some fun hours.

What if, after reading this post, you did the same?

There’s a day waiting outside.
Conversations to be had.
Walks to be made.
Smiles …

Feels like a good choice to me.

You can safely switch your device off now ;-)

Moments of silence

When we’re about to give a talk we’re mostly concerned about the words we’re going to say. We’re not so used to think about the space in between the words, the silence. But it’s useful in many places, for example

… before you start to speak so that the room becomes quiet. You don’t want to talk against a murmur of words. You want the full attention of your audience from the very first word.

… in between two thoughts so that your audience has a chance of digesting the first thought before digging into the next one.

… after an important statement so that your audience can let it sink in and transfer your words into their own situation. That’s what makes your talk concrete for them. The more concrete your talk becomes, the greater the chance that they will find your thoughts valuable.

… at the end of the talk to enjoy the applause.

… in the Q&A session to give yourself enough time to understand the question and come up with a thoughtful response.

… after the talk, back at your desk to reflect on reactions.

Some of these moments will be very brief, some longer. Noticing them is the first step towards being able to control them.

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