Honesty Archive - This Moment Counts

Why persuasion has always felt unambitious to me

I don’t want the ability to talk people into things. I really don’t.

Persuasion is often considered the gold standard in communication. Getting people to do what you want them to do. What more could you want … in a pitch, a strategy announcement, a keynote, or any of the moments that count?

Well, a lot more, if you ask me.

Persuasion has always felt unambitious to me.

You get the yes, but do they mean it? Will they wholeheartedly support you? Will they fight for it when you’re not around to push it?

But it also focuses you on solving the wrong problem. If an idea only works because I framed it cleverly, I don’t trust the idea. If people only agree because I found the right psychological hack, I don’t trust myself. And when it works, it’s often a hollow win.

That’s not the kind of communicator I want to be.

Three values guide my work:

Honesty.
Empathy.
Trust.

Honesty means there has to be a real point underneath your words.

Not a beautified version of the truth.
Not a polished version of a weak idea.
No jargon that hides uncertainty.

Instead, something that feels so undeniably true that once people see it, they can’t unsee it.

That’s a much higher standard to hold yourself accountable to: If they knew everything you know, would they still say yes?

Persuasion is about saying things better. I prefer saying better things.

Empathy means you no longer get to start with yourself.

You stop assuming people see what you see.
You stop expecting them to share your priorities.

Instead, you do the work.

You see the situation from where they stand.
You use their language.
You find words for what they feel but can’t articulate. Their fears, frustrations, ambitions, and hopes.

So you can say something that makes them think:

“Damn. That’s exactly where I am. Finally someone gets it.”

And then comes the hardest one of all:

Trust.

Because trust means letting go.

No pressure tricks.
No hidden agenda.
No trying to corner them into agreement.

You trust the audience to decide.

Which sounds noble and idealistic until you realize what it actually demands from you: If people are truly free to choose, then what you’re offering had better actually be a good choice for them.

So, what makes it one? What do they need to see so that you can genuinely trust them with the decision?

Can you clearly articulate that?

The higher the stakes, the more tempting it becomes to manipulate. To not leave it to chance.

But if your idea is as good for them as you say, why would you need persuasion? What is persuasion adding that the truth isn’t?

That’s a much higher ambition than getting to yes through persuasion.

Because when you finally get their yes, it will be with full conviction.

Let’s put it that way:

Honesty forces me to find what’s worth saying.
Empathy forces me to make it worth hearing.
Trust forces me to stand behind it.

That’s the communication strategy I believe in.

I’d rather light the path than push people down it.

Keep lighting the path,
Michael

What if I’m not allowed to say it as it is?

“I’d love to say it clearly… but I’m not allowed to.”

That’s the reality for many people working inside bigger companies. People aren’t resisting clarity. In fact, they’re craving it. But then they sigh and say it’s simply not within their control.

And usually, that’s not an excuse. It’s real. There’s a legal department that scrubs every word. A brand team that insists on certain phrases. A leadership group that wants to sound “aspirational.”

By the time the message leaves the room, every sharp edge is gone.

But here’s what I want you to think about: If the process keeps stripping away the clarity, then the process itself is part of the problem. Because no amount of compliance or brand polish will make up for a message that nobody understands or cares about.

The best leaders I’ve met in those environments don’t throw up their hands. They push for conversations before the message is written. They bring legal or brand into the discussion early, not to fight them, but to help them see what’s at stake if the message stays vague. They use clarity as the starting point, not the final layer.

Because if you always accept the rules as they are, you’ll keep getting the results you’ve always had. And if those results include confusion, disengagement, or apathy, then maybe the cost of “following the rules” is higher than you think.

Lighting the path doesn’t mean breaking the system. But it often means challenging it — and showing why clarity isn’t a risk to avoid, but an asset worth protecting.

Keep lighting the path,
Michael

How to deliver hard truths

Some leaders sugarcoat the truth because they think it’s kinder.
But sugar melts. And when it does, all that’s left is a sticky mess.

One of the reasons they soften the bad news is because they want to protect their people.

They think a spoonful of sugar makes it easier to handle.

But here’s the problem: when the coating melts (and it always does), what’s left is the mess: the sense that something’s missing, that something doesn’t quite add up.

The wondering that now follows is often worse than the truth.

People will try to piece things together. And pretty quickly, the version that spreads in their conversations sounds much scarier than the real story ever was.

That’s why I always prefer clarity. Transparency. Honesty.

It might not taste as sweet as the sugared version.
But it’s far healthier.

Trust me: People can handle the truth.
Doubt is a lot harder to handle for them.

It makes people sick.

So if you want to light the path, don’t sweeten the truth.
Say it as it is. Plain and simple.

To me, that’s way kinder than serving a spoonful of sugar.

Keep lighting the path,
Michael

The hardest, clearest, and most powerful form of leadership communication

You know what always gets a laugh? When someone suggests that leaders should speak more heartfelt.

People roll their eyes. They picture cheesy speeches. They hear syrupy words that feel fake. And they think, “That’s not for me. I’m here to get things done.”

But here’s the paradox:
→ The very leaders who dismiss it are often the ones who care the most.

They just never let that care show.

They talk about efficiency, KPIs, and shareholder value. All the while, what keeps them awake at night is something very different:
their team,
their customers,
their reputation,
their legacy.

The tragedy is not that they don’t care.

The tragedy is that nobody else can feel it.

And when people can’t feel it, they don’t follow.

The problem might be a misunderstanding about what heartfelt actually means.

Heartfelt communication is not about layering on emotional fluff. It’s not about adding dramatic pauses or swelling background music.

It’s about something far simpler, and far braver:
Using words you actually believe in about the things you deeply care for.

Words that reveal what truly matters to you.
Words that make it impossible to mistake what you stand for.

Because when your team hears those words, they hear more than a leader. They hear a human being they can trust. They hear a direction that feels real. They hear a reason to care as much as you do.

So if you laugh off heartfelt communication, you’re not avoiding weakness. You might be avoiding the very strength that would make people want to walk the path with you.

That’s the irony.
Heartfelt is not soft.
It is the hardest, clearest, and most powerful form of leadership communication.

And that’s why it’s crucial to the four PATH principles.

Keep lighting the path,
Michael

You know what freaks out most leaders about clarity?

It’s not the risk that people won’t get it
And it’s not the vulnerability of being transparent.

It’s this: when you’re 100% clear, you have to trust your audience.

Because clarity takes away your hiding places.
No jargon to make things sound bigger than they are.
No clever detours to keep options open.
No endless slides to “prove” the point (read: hide the fact that you’re not trusting it yourself).

When you’re clear, you hand the audience the full picture.
And then it’s on them.
To get it.
To judge it.
To decide what to do with it.

That’s the scary part.
Because deep down, many leaders don’t trust their people to see what they see.
So they try to control the outcome by adding more, by polishing more, by persuading harder.

But here’s the paradox:
The less you trust your audience, the less they’ll trust you.
And the more you trust them, the more they’ll rise to it.

That’s why clarity is an act of leadership courage.
It says: Here’s the truth. I trust you to act on it.

Of course, this only works if you’ve put in the work and listened rigorously before you speak.

Keep lighting the path,
Michael

Hidden Priorities

What do you do when no one says what they really want?
Everyone cringes. But no one dares to name it.

One client put it this way:
“In our case, we have so many competing interests but people won’t openly communicate what they are.”
Ouch …

When people won’t name their priorities, it’s not just hard to align … it’s almost impossible to even begin.

Often, that silence is a symptom of fear.
→ Fear of being exposed.
→ Fear of losing influence.
→ Fear of making a bad deal.

Or simply:
→ Fear of being the only one to commit.

When that’s the atmosphere, simply pushing for agreement won’t work.

Even if people nod and politely smile during the meeting, it’s unlikely they will follow through.

What you need at this stage is not their agreement but their honesty.

But how do you create a space that makes people feel safe enough to be honest?

Often, that starts with one person naming the tension and inviting a shared direction.

For example, by asking something like this:

“Can we try to name what we do agree on — even if it’s only the bigger picture? Let’s see where we’re already aligned before we get stuck in the details.”

That kind of move shifts the focus.
From trade-offs to common ground.
From defensiveness to collaboration.
From protecting interests to building trust.

It won’t resolve everything. But it opens the door.

And sometimes, that’s all it takes — a few well-chosen words that help people see the possibility of standing together, not just apart.

The goal is to figure out what it would take for the people in your org to say: “Yes, that’s what we stand for, even if we still debate the details?”

So no, you can’t control the others.
But you can make the first move.
And the right words can give others permission to follow.

Sometimes, clarity begins with making others feel seen.

Keep lighting the path!

Space for Truth

The higher you rise, the quieter the truth becomes.
Which is a problem if you want to lead with clarity.

It only works if you’re hearing what you need to hear.

It’s not that people stop knowing the truth.
Or that they would even be dishonest.

But they only give you a filtered version.

Because your role has changed.

Your title alone makes people second-guess themselves.
Your presence shapes the conversation before you say a word.

Even if you invite honesty, people hesitate.

“Is this really safe to say?”
“Do they really want to hear this?”

If you don’t notice this early, the conversation empties out.
You stop hearing what matters most.
And start hearing only what feels safe to share.

The usual advice won’t change that.
“My door’s alway open.” ← Yeah, but what happens when I’m out again?

“Don’t hesitate to speak up.” ← Yeah, but what happens when I actually do?

You want to prove it’s welcome.

→ When someone raises a difficult point, and you lean in with curiosity — not defensiveness.
→ When you thank people for uncomfortable feedback, instead of brushing it aside.
→ When you share uncomfortable truths yourself, showing it’s safe to speak openly here.

In other words, you go first. When you signal that you welcome uncomfortable truths, people start to trust you with theirs.

They learn:

This is safe.
This is valued.
This matters.

That’s when meaningful conversations happen. After you create the space for them.

Keep lighting the path!

Deep conversations

You’re invited! The 3rd edition of “The Leaders Light the Path Session” will be on March 11th.

Pam wrote about the previous edition:
“I loved the depth, the conversation – how everyone listened – the intent in answering your questions and everyone else’s. Your summations were thoughtful, requiring us to dig deep.”

Others have called it a relaxed format and a great moment for reflection.

Don’t expect a lengthy presentation and over-complicated frameworks. We’re more interested in conversations and real, actionable ways to help you find better words.

This time, it will be all about clarity:

→ The shift that turns vague ideas into compelling messages
→ How to make your message easy to remember and impossible to ignore
→ How to say exactly what needs to be said… nothing more, nothing less

March 11th | 11am Eastern · 5pm CET | Zoom

Whether you want to drive change, unite people around a vision, or ensure your words spark action instead of hesitation, this session will help you communicate with irresistible clarity.

It’s highly interactive, in a small group setting with like-minded peers.

Would love to see you there.

It’s free but seats are limited! Reserving your spot is easy, though. Simply reply to this email (I prefer the process to be as plain and simple as possible).

Keep lighting the path!

They won’t say it, but they don’t trust you.

Trust is a tricky thing.
Because it’s not logical.

We often act as if it were, though. Trying to craft the perfect argument and polishing our words.

But most of the time, trust isn’t a rational calculation.
It’s a gut decision.

It’s often lost for a very simple reason:
Something doesn’t feel right.

Maybe the words sound good, but somehow off.

Maybe the message is polished, but a little too polished, like it was designed to land well, rather than to be true.

Or maybe you’re saying all the right things, but avoid the hard truths, hoping no one will notice.

But they do. Perhaps not consciously, but subconsciously.

People don’t usually analyze why they don’t trust someone.
They just feel it.

And when that happens, they don’t think, “I don’t trust this message.”
They think, “I don’t trust this person.”

That’s the thing about trust:
It’s not built on how meticulous your words are.
It’s built on whether people feel that you mean it.

When you see it that way, trust isn’t something you ask for or actively build. It’s something people give to you.

Here’s what you can influence: choosing to be worthy of their trust.

When I remind myself of that, that choice instantly becomes easier. Not always comfortable. But easier.

I, myself, don’t trust people for how polished they speak but for whether what they say rings true.

And I suspect you do, too.

All of which is a long way of saying that if you ever wonder whether it’s worth saying the thing that feels a little less polished but a lot more true …

Say it anyway.

Keep lighting the path!

The mirror of trust

Trust is like a mirror. Once it’s cracked, no matter how much you try to fix it, the reflection is never quite the same.

Honesty has a difficult standing in some leadership circles. People believe they can’t trust their team or customers with the truth. Or that they’d need to protect their team from it. And so, they avoid it.

And I get it. It’s tempting to promise the moon in the moment to give a little extra motivational boost. Or to beautify the situation to give some false assurances.

But that’s like tapping a hammer against that mirror. Each small crack harms the surface. Until at some point it eventually shatters.

The strongest teams I’ve worked with, had a very different approach.

People can handle uncertainty far better than they can handle broken promises. Honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable, keeps the mirror intact.

If you’re unsure, say so. If the road ahead is unclear, admit it.

Every time your team sees that your words and actions are perfectly aligned – even in difficult times – they trust you a little more. And that means that trust is intact when it matters.

Keep lighting the path!

Posts in Tag: Honesty