Generosity Archive - The Art of Communicating

The better deal

The most lucrative pitches are not about you making a good deal. They are about the other party making an even better deal.

The better the deal is for them, the better it is for you.

As with any good relationship, the best ones are those in which both sides feel like they got the better deal.

Here’s where many pitches get it wrong:

They approach the pitch as if it was about getting the better deal. They try to impress. Paint the promises a little brighter than they really are. Frame the offer in a way that allows them to charge a little over. And use a bunch of other subtle tricks and techniques to get more out of the deal.

But in my experience, you get even better deals if you turn it around and approach the pitch differently. It’s not about getting the better deal but about being the better deal.

Can you shift your perspective from what you want to what they desire?

What would make the deal so worthwhile for the other side that they can’t believe how lucky they are?

What would be a story that sounds almost too good to be true to them, not because you overpromised but because you cared so much that it really is that good (you even underpromised)?

If you can deliver on that, if you truly are a phenomenal deal, negotiations will be very different. What previously sounded like a steep ask or a tough sell to you, might now sound like a bargain to them.

Your speech is a gift

Whether it’s to share insights or to shift perspectives, whether it’s to motivate or to entertain … there are many ways in which your speech can be a gift to your audience.

Don’t you agree that giving a gift generally feels good?

In case of your speech it shifts the focus from your performance to the value you’re providing. You don’t have to ‘perform’ but instead you just share generously.

No pressure there, right?

Why then does giving a speech often feel not so good? Where does the pressure, stress, and nervousness come from?

Perhaps it’s because you’re expecting to get something in return. Which, to me, actually doesn’t qualify as truly giving anymore, does it?

Worse, some speakers show up to only take … their audience’s time, money, support, goodwill, …

When you show up to take or even just to get something in return, you’ll be under immense pressure to succeed. Pressure, though, rarely serves confidence well.

But when you change your lens, that dynamic changes.

When you show up to generously share your experience, the audience will actually be rooting for you because they really want you to succeed. They are on your side.

They don’t see you as a pickpocket for their time or approval anymore. People naturally root for the giver, the sharer, the storyteller.

And that can be a calming thought.

So, be that person and turn your speech into a gift.

PS: This is a short excerpt from my free eBook “Speak Easy” with a simple 4 step approach to show up with more confidence. Download it here: https://michaelgerharz.com/speak-easy

Well done

How often do you personally hear “Well done!”?
It’s not something a leader hears very often, is it?

Leaders are supposed to be the ones giving team members recognition for their achievements.

But they are seldom on the receiving end.

Well, as the saying goes, if you need someone to praise you, you’re probably in the wrong place as a leader.

And yet.

That doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t feel good to hear a word of appreciation at times; not to feed your ego but as an acknowledgement that you – just as everyone else – thrives on being seen.

So.

When was the last time you gave some recognition to one of your peers in the leadership team?

When was the last time you said “Good job!” to one of them?

When was the last time you saw your peers and appreciated that they deal with struggles, challenges and opportunities all the time … and do it well.

Sure, that won’t put you on the receiving end. But it puts those in that spot who are likely to be in a similar situation.

It’s a gesture that costs little but can yield immense benefits in terms of morale, motivation, and the overall health of the organizational culture.

Culture might only change very slowly. But it starts with a first step.

Who will you reach out to today?

It starts with the speaker

Who else is tired of speakers who waste our time with boring speeches that take forever but lead nowhere?

Who else thinks it’s disrespectful when speakers don’t take the time to prepare well?

Who else is done with selfish speakers who only show up to take advantage of the audience?

Relationships are built on respect and generosity.

Value your audience’s time and they will treat you accordingly.

It’s a simple dynamic. But it starts with the speaker.

Much like the idea of servant leadership has changed leadership, the idea of a servant speaker could do the same for speaking.

Who’s with me on that?

Taking a Talk

It’s called “giving a talk” but let’s face it: 
Many speakers show up to take …

… our time
… our attention
… our money
… our vote
… our applause
… our approval
…

Which leads to many of the awkward situations we encounter in speeches and presentations:

The presenter who brags about their accolades while we couldn’t care less and wonder when they will start getting to the point.

The speaker who puts the spotlight on themselves while we’re left wondering what their story actually means for us.

The salesman who praises their offer while we wonder if they will ever bother to ask a question about what we actually need.

The irony, of course, is that it’s the other way around:
The more they give, the more we might be willing to give in return.

How to create a great partnership

A great partnership is one where both sides rightfully think they got the better deal.

However, the way to get there is not by searching for the better deal but by being the better deal.

If you give more than you take, the partner will probably do the same. (If they consistently don’t, it might be time to re-calibrate the relationship.)

For people who try it the other way around, i.e. by first wanting the better deal before they are ready to contribute their part of the equation, I find it hard to believe that they’re going to be a valid solution of the equation.

You don’t look for the perfect match. You create it.

Being a rock star

Imagine you’re a rock star. You’re about to perform in front of a crowd of 30,000.

Which of these two are you:

The one who’s looking to impress the audience.
The one who’s looking to give the audience a great time.

Almost all of the huge acts who actually perform in front of such a big audience are #2.
Most of the performers in a meeting room are #1.

Which are you?

How did you brighten someone’s day today?

Did you say a word of appreciation to someone who needed to hear it?

Did you give to someone more than you needed to give?

Did you smile when they entered the room?

Did you call someone who missed you?

Did you encourage someone to say “no” to something that deeply troubled him?

Did you encourage someone to say “yes” to something she couldn’t find the courage to agree to herself?

When was the last time that this someone was you?

What does it take to say something nice?

It’s easy when you’re in a great mood but a bit harder when you’re not.

It’s easy when you’re relaxed but a lot harder when you’re stressed.

It’s easy when the other person was nice to you but not so easy when she wasn’t.

It feels easy when you want something from the other person but not as easy when you don’t.

It’s extra hard when you’re angry. When you’ve been hurt.

It’s also hard when you don’t have to.

And yet, it makes all the difference. In any of these situations.

I’m just going to turn my problem into your problem

I can’t find a parking lot so I have to park in the middle of the street. Not my fault! I gotta park somewhere, right?

I can’t find an ashtray so I’ll just throw the cigarette on the floor. I mean, you don’t expect me to carry it all that time, do you? Not my fault! Tell me: Where else should I put the cigarette?

The trash bin is full so I’ll just throw the trash from our picnic into the countryside. Not my fault! They should have provided a larger trash bin! I can’t believe that you expect me to carry the waste home.

This posture is spreading fast. In essence it’s this: “I’m just turning my problem into your problem!”

Actually, they are turning their problem into everyone’s problem. And that basically means that they consider their problem to be more important than everyone’s problems.

But really, it’s their problem, not mine. And I don’t appreciate them for trying to make it mine.

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