In conversations, do you notice when people light up?
It’s rarely because of what you said. It’s because you created space for them to share, to feel valued, to be themselves.
The divas who seek the spotlight will never get there.
They prefer the spotlight for themselves.
Leaving no room for others to shine.
These moments are reserved for those who know when to step back and give space.
Keep lighting the path!
Isn’t it interesting how “listen” and “silent” are anagrams?
Makes it feel like they are two sides of the same thing.
In a way, they are:
When you listen intently, you become silent.
When you are silent, you can truly listen.
But there’s more:
When you remain silent, even if it’s just a little longer, you’ll pick up nuances that you would miss if you broke the silence.
I find it fascinating how much we can learn if we simply stay silent for a second longer and let the other person continue talking.
Silent is
… how we pay attention.
… how we allow others to open up in a conversation.
… how we give the space for their words to unfold naturally.
… how we reflect on what is being said.
In other words: silent is how we listen for what’s really going on.
Have you experienced moments where silence improved your communication?
When was the last time you sat down with someone and just listened?
I mean simply sitting there and giving them the space to express their feelings, sort their thoughts, say what needs to be said, …
The opposite approach is the default. How often do we feel the need to jump into the conversation with advice and recommendations. To cut the conversation short as soon as we think that we got the gist of it … jumping to conclusions before they even finished their thought … filling in any blanks as soon as a slight pause occurs.
If we resist that urge it paves the way for the others to open up. If we allow them to make a pause when they look for the right words they are much more likely to actually find the words that express their thoughts and feelings accurately. When, after that pause, we’re still there to listen, I mean truly listen, that’s what makes them feel heard.
No judgement. No advice. Just your presence and the willingness to listen.
We’re living in a world that’s more connected than ever before. We have hundreds of connections and we send thousands of messages each day.
And yet, feeling heard is still as rare and precious as ever.
I’m lucky to have people in my life who have that gift of listening. Who make people feel heard. You know who you are.
Many presenters approach presenting as the task of speaking to a group of people.
What would you do differently if, instead, you spoke to just one person?
A few things that my clients tell me changes for them when they try this:
The old way of presenting was the lecture. The monologue. The speaker preparing a speech and delivering it to the audience. The audience’s role was – in essence – to accept the delivery. (And if it didn’t get it, it was more the audience’s fault than the speaker’s).
Today, we know that a much more satisfying approach is to consider presentations and speeches as conversations. When you think of a conversation, it’s not about speaking to masses but about talking to people. To the humans in your audience.
For the best speakers, this conversation starts long before the moment they step onto the stage and doesn’t stop when they leave the stage. Great speakers – as well as great leaders – talk to people all the time. They talk to people so that they themselves can listen. Because only when you listen will you be able to attach to what’s important to the people.
Speaking really means talking to people, before, during and after the speech.
