Playing the game

Have you ever felt like success demands a compromise?
That to win in business, you have to play the game?

→ Cheesy marketing.
→ Political maneuvering.
→ Messages that feel anything but you.

It’s frustrating because that game feels wrong.

Yet, it also feels necessary.
After all, it’s how successful players play.
It is what works, isn’t it?

Well, kind of.
But then again: Not really.

Because most of the time …

The game doesn’t work because people are easily persuaded. It works (when it works) because no one has offered something better.

People don’t want to be persuaded.
They want to be understood.

It works because no one has taken the time to truly pay attention, listen carefully, and find the common ground.

Games are necessary when you feel you need to “turn them over”.

They are unnecessary when you align.

That’s why the best leaders don’t succeed through politics and playing games. They succeed thanks to clarity and empathy.

Keep lighting the path!

“No, you don’t have to do it like that.”

Often, when I say these words to one of my clients, you can almost see the shackles breaking apart, scattering in every direction.

Free!
Finally!

Free to speak in a way that’s true to who you are.
To speak with a passion that can actually be seen.
So that people understand how much you care.
So that they feel why the topic is so important to you.

Time and again, I encounter these mental shackles that someone has imposed on us.

“You have to speak like this!”
“You need more serious language!”
“You have to use this structure!”
“You must start with an anecdote!”

The truth is you don’t have to do any of that.

People love you because of who you are and how you do things. Not because of who you’re not and how others do it.

We don’t need another polished copy of all the supposed must-dos of the world. (Not to mention that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another.)

People are simply too different,
topics too varied,
audiences too diverse.

Knowing the rules is certainly helpful.
Understanding why they work, too.

But it’s even more important to figure out what’s right for you. Finding words that feel good to use and saying them in a way that feels true to who you are.

That is far more valuable than other people’s best practice.

How much “you” is too much?

A little add-on to yesterday’s post:
How much “you” is too much in your presentation style?

Ultimately, style serves impact. It’s best positioned to do so at the intersection of being a great fit for

  1. you,
  2. the content, and
  3. the event.

While I stand by my assertion that audiences are much more tolerant regarding style than you think, that doesn’t mean that everything works everywhere.

Some matches are just not a good fit.

So, be as much “you” as possible, but get out of your way if that style keeps you from making a bigger impact because it’s not a good fit for either the content or the event.

And, of course, avoid compromising substance for style.

Your Style

“Our audiences expect it that way.”
But honestly now, do they really?

The statement sounds as if it would be in service of the audience. But more often than not, it’s just an expression of fear.

The fear of rejection.

Because, well, what if they don’t like it the other way?

When I started to do things differently with my speaking some 20 years back, my colleagues in our working group were very worried about me. They kept reminding me that audiences would expect a more traditional way of presenting and that I was risking my reputation.

Turns out I wasn’t.
Neither did audiences expect a more traditional way.

A couple of things I frequently heard after a presentation:
“That was a refreshing way of presenting.”
“Finally, someone speaking plain English.”
“I loved the way that you spoke with us, not to us.”

No one had missed the boring bullet point galore of the traditional way.

In fact, never even once in my life have I met someone who would have preferred a boring presentation over a more entertaining one just because the boring would be more traditional.

Here’s what audiences really expect: They expect you to not waste their time.

Audiences are way more tolerant than you think regarding style.

What’s much more important is that

  • what you say is relevant and
  • how you say it resonates.

What I’ve learned is that the latter is much easier if you dare to be more “you” in the way you show up. But make sure that what you say is highly relevant.

Would love to hear your experiences with being you! How do you deal with the warning that “audiences expect it that way”?

A more “you” way

We’re living in a time where the best choice of words might not be trusted due to the overuse of them where they shouldn’t be used.

What used to be a “nice try” is nothing short of “revolutionary” and
a “setback” turns into a full-blown “crisis”.
An outcome that’s “unexpected” must be a “miracle”,
any “fun” event is “epic” at least, and
a minor “development” is a “breakthrough”.

Of course, literally anything is potentially “life-changing”.

We just don’t trust in the original meaning of these words anymore.
You say “revolutionary”? I say “meh”!
If I care to pay attention at all, that is …

Click-bait, bullshit, and sensationalist marketing have ruined an astonishingly large part of our language.

But, well, it’s the game we’re in. There’s not much use in complaining.

The better reaction is to find better words. Words that are relevant and truly you. Words that can’t easily be copied or pulled out of context because they’re deeply personal and heartfelt. Words that are so specific to your idea that they loose their impact when pulled out of context.

Make no mistake, though. Bullshitters and click-baiters will always find ways to take advantage of language. Misuse of words will always happen.

But you can make it a little harder for them.

The more personal, the more specific your words are, the more they will be connected to your story, not theirs.

Essentially, it’s about a shift from the generic to the authentic. When it’s an authentic story, the impact of your words doesn’t depend on how sensational the words are but on how relatable the story is.

When people can relate because it’s genuinely – and uniquely – your story, that makes for more meaningful conversations. People will listen more attentively and engage more deeply.

As is so often the case, when everyone zig-zags staying consistent can make an incredible difference. In this case, when others chase the most sensational language, you use words you truly believe in about the things you deeply care about.

These words, spoken softly with simple but heartfelt words might sound louder than you think.

PS: Thanks David, for the inspiration to this post!

The Unlikely Speaker Rockstar

You don’t enjoy public speaking?
Well, many great speakers don’t, either!

This observation often surprises people. In both camps.

A friend of mine was baffled to learn that his peers considered him a truly gifted speaker – baffled because he didn’t enjoy the spotlight of a stage much and, as a consequence, thought he wasn’t good at it.

This scenario is more common than you might think. Some of the most compelling speakers are anything but seeking the spotlight.

Which is precisely why we enjoy their speeches so much.

They don’t show up to show off. They show up because they deeply care for what they do.

In other words, if advancing their cause means standing on a stage, then that’s what they’ll do. And if they do it, then they can just as well make good use of that time. My friend wasn’t chasing applause or trying to dazzle the audience. Instead, he aimed to lead listeners to a moment of clarity and understanding.

And that’s what his audience appreciated: The aha. (Did you ever notice how aha moments often come in silence?)

It’s a common misconception that to excel in public speaking, one must love the spotlight. It’s much more important that you love what you do and care deeply.

Have you met such a person?
Do you yourself enjoy standing on a stage?

Being human

One of the fascinating aspects of AI is that it forces us to reconsider what “uniquely human” actually means.

For years, we’ve leveraged computers to handle tedious tasks, freeing us to engage in what machines can’t – being human. But as AI evolves and the lines continue to blur, what actually are those irreplaceable human qualities that define us? What is it that can’t be imitated by a computer?

When I connect with my loved ones over the holidays, I look forward to the spontaneous laughter, the shared stories, the warmth of empathy. These are experiences that still seem beyond the reach of an algorithm.

But what about you? In the dawn of the AI era, what does being human mean to you?

Did someone say “authentic”?

Reminder: Authenticity is in the eye of the beholder. It’s not your call, it’s theirs.

No matter how “authentic” you think you are, it’s their perception of your actions and words that counts: Do they perceive what you say and do as being consistent with how you say and do it?

Their perception is not in your full control – which is why I think that focusing on “authenticity” can lead you astray.

What’s in your control, though, is being true to your values and beliefs – which starts with getting clarity about those and being able to articulate them. Whether someone perceives that as “authentic” is a different question.

Your marketing agency’s words

This week, I’m asking one simple but important question each day for you to ponder (on your own or with your team):

When you read out loud the words that your marketing agency came up with, how does it feel? How would you say it in your own words?

Being a rock star

Imagine you’re a rock star. You’re about to perform in front of a crowd of 30,000.

Which of these two are you:

  1. The one who’s looking to impress the audience.
  2. The one who’s looking to give the audience a great time.

Almost all of the huge acts who actually perform in front of such a big audience are #2.
Most of the performers in a meeting room are #1.

Which are you?

Spread the Word

Picture of Dr. Michael Gerharz

Dr. Michael Gerharz