Haltung Archive - Page 5 of 27 - The Art of Communicating

What’s wrong with them?

I think that in many situations the more appropriate question to ask would be: “What’s going on here?”

It could very well turn out that – really – nothing’s wrong with them. Their stance might actually make a lot of sense when looking from their perspective. They’ve got a different context. They’ve had different experiences. They know different things. From these experiences and in that context things can look very differently.

We still might not agree with what we see, but looking through that lens can help us discover paths that keep a conversation going.

Fired up

Sometimes, the obvious needs to be stated: If you’re not passionate about what you do, how can your audience be? If the audience can’t see your enthusiasm, how would they fire up?

Are you passionate about the thing you do? Do you share your enthusiasm with your audience?

Truly listening

When was the last time you sat down with someone and just listened?

I mean simply sitting there and giving them the space to express their feelings, sort their thoughts, say what needs to be said, …

The opposite approach is the default. How often do we feel the need to jump into the conversation with advice and recommendations. To cut the conversation short as soon as we think that we got the gist of it … jumping to conclusions before they even finished their thought … filling in any blanks as soon as a slight pause occurs.

If we resist that urge it paves the way for the others to open up. If we allow them to make a pause when they look for the right words they are much more likely to actually find the words that express their thoughts and feelings accurately. When, after that pause, we’re still there to listen, I mean truly listen, that’s what makes them feel heard.

No judgement. No advice. Just your presence and the willingness to listen.

We’re living in a world that’s more connected than ever before. We have hundreds of connections and we send thousands of messages each day.

And yet, feeling heard is still as rare and precious as ever.

I’m lucky to have people in my life who have that gift of listening. Who make people feel heard. You know who you are.

Nate

The TV show Ted Lasso is full of interesting, rich characters. One of them is Nate, the kit man who became assistant coach and later known as “The Wonder Kid”.

When he felt underappreciated by Ted Lasso and the Richmond team, he left to become the head coach at rival team West Ham United where he was unbelievably successful, heading from win to win, truly acting as a wonder kid.

And yet, he chose to quit mid-season.

It was a toxic environment.

Nate is an unusual example in today’s world. He finds joy from perfecting the things he does rather than from doing the perfect thing.

He prefers to work in a healthy environment that values the little contributions that anyone makes over being the shining light in a toxic environment.

He prooves that passion is not always something that strikes you at birth, but something that can be found in the things you do.

If you haven’t watched the show, I highly recommend you do. Nate is just one of many fascinating characters.

The dishonesty of paid speaking

Something’s wrong in the professional speaking world and it’s paying to speak.

There’s a significant number of large scale events where many of the speakers in the lineup pay to speak on the big stage.

In and of itself, there’s nothing wrong with this. Businesses pay to get in front of people all the time. It’s basically an advertisement.

Like with other forms of hidden promotions, the problem is when it’s intransparent.

If you buy your speaking slot, say so. If you’re the organizer of such an event, say who paid to speak and who got paid by you to speak. If you’re sitting in the audience, demand transparency.

It’s a simple rule that applies to any kind of advertising.

Just be transparent!

Your problem

People love to turn their problem into your problem.

“I got a call on the phone so I’m late to the meeting.”

“My parking lot was taken by a stranger so I’m taking yours (I gotta park somewhere!).”

“It’s harder for us to get the supply to make the product we promised to deliver on May, 2nd so we’re delaying the delivery (See, keeping the promised date would reduce our margins).”

Perfectly reasonable from their perspective. Somewhat reasonable from my perspective (sometimes): After all, I might prefer having you at the meeting late rather than not at all. And I want your business to make a healthy profit so that I can rely on you as a supplier far into the future.

But you’re still turning your problem into mine. That’s ok if there’s really no alternative. It’s not ok if you’re just being lazy. Or inconsiderate.

Where have you been on the receiving side of this? But more importantly where have you turned your problem into someone else’s problem? What would it have cost you if you hadn’t?

Handcrafted plates

Plates used to be handmade. Today, almost all plates are machine made. Most people are just fine with this but some still care for handcrafted plates.

The same will probably soon be true for copywriting. Or any writing, for that matter.

Just like with plates there’s nothing wrong with this. Machine made plates work fine. In fact, in many regards they are superior to handmade plates. More so, machines allow us to make things that no human could make.

And yet, there’s value in the knowledge that something is handcrafted. It’s just that most people won’t really care.

Which means that understanding your audience and getting clarity about what they really do care about will be a very useful insight to help determine what place AI should have in your communication.

Moments of silence

When we’re about to give a talk we’re mostly concerned about the words we’re going to say. We’re not so used to think about the space in between the words, the silence. But it’s useful in many places, for example

… before you start to speak so that the room becomes quiet. You don’t want to talk against a murmur of words. You want the full attention of your audience from the very first word.

… in between two thoughts so that your audience has a chance of digesting the first thought before digging into the next one.

… after an important statement so that your audience can let it sink in and transfer your words into their own situation. That’s what makes your talk concrete for them. The more concrete your talk becomes, the greater the chance that they will find your thoughts valuable.

… at the end of the talk to enjoy the applause.

… in the Q&A session to give yourself enough time to understand the question and come up with a thoughtful response.

… after the talk, back at your desk to reflect on reactions.

Some of these moments will be very brief, some longer. Noticing them is the first step towards being able to control them.

Being right

It’s easy to win forgiveness for being wrong; being right is what gets you into real trouble. – Bjarne Stroustrup

As a leader, it’s your job to create an environment where everyone can say what needs to be said.

How not to change minds

Insisting that you are right and the others are wrong has never changed anyone’s opinion.

Repeating the same arguments, only louder, doesn’t work, either.

Making fun of someone’s argument won’t encourage anyone to re-consider that argument.

And decorating an argument with sarcasm (even when it’s hilarious) won’t open anyone’s mind to that argument.

I’ve always found it way more helpful to assume that the other person is at least as smart as I am and that there’s a reason for why they don’t see what (I think) I see.

Another helpful attitude when you want to change someone’s mind is to be open to changing yours, too. Getting it right is so much more useful than being right at all cost.

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