Good speakers make us get them.
Great speakers get us.
It’s a fascinating experience when you listen to someone and it feels like they know you inside out.
When their story makes you feel seen and heard.
When their messages make you see options that you couldn’t see before.
When they’ve found words for what’s going on inside of you that you could never have found yourself.
Did you ever experience that in a talk?
Have you created it?
I’d love to hear your stories!
The biggest reason for stage fright is not what you think it is.
It’s not the size of the audience or the prestige of the event.
It’s not that you don’t have a commanding presence on stage.
It’s not that you’re not funny enough or can’t tell engaging stories.
It’s also not the complexity of the topic you are speaking on.
Nor that you haven’t practiced enough.
And it’s not that you haven’t attended enough public speaking workshops.
Although all of that can contribute.
But none of it is the root cause! The root cause is this:
You don’t believe in the words you use!
None of the usual advice will fix this. That’s why it can’t work. If you don’t believe in your words, any body language tip will have to work against your belief. It only adds to the stress.
But here’s the good news:
When you find words you truly believe in about the things you deeply care about, nothing else will matter!
Solve that problem, and you’ll solve the others, too.
PS: I wrote a little eBook on how to do that. It’s called: Speak Easy and it’s a short read with a pretty unusual take. If you haven’t done so already, download it here for free: https://michaelgerharz.com/speak-easy
“I’m sorry!”
Three words that can change the dynamics almost every time something went wrong.
Instead, people tend to get defensive.
“Not my fault!”
“I did nothing wrong!”
“You should have done it differently!”
Which might be 100% accurate. It wasn’t their fault.
But what if I wasn’t even looking for someone to blame? What if I’m totally aware that I should have done it differently?
And yet, here I am. Things have gone wrong and it hurts.
What if all I wanted was an acknowledgment of that feeling?
“I feel you!” might be all that it takes.
Instead, people are more concerned about their own feelings.
Which is probably just an intuitive reaction.
But once you see it you can change it.
A little more empathy takes interactions a long way – especially when things have gone wrong.
WOW opens the mind.
AHA changes the mind.
So much advice on public speaking focuses on the WOW effect.
How to turn the spotlight onto yourself.
How to put on a great show.
How to dazzle your audience.
But do you want your audience to cheer for your great performance or for the brilliance of your idea?
If it’s the latter, then WOW will only get you half the way.
To get all the way, consider turning the spotlight around and onto your audience.
Sure, put on a great show if that’s your thing. But make your audience the star of the show.
And shine a bright light. Yet not to dazzle but to light your audience the path to a profound insight.
It’s so much more fun.
It’s so much more worthwhile.
Best of all, AHA moments tend to last longer than WOW moments.
What’s your take on this?
A little add-on to yesterday’s post:
How much “you” is too much in your presentation style?
Ultimately, style serves impact. It’s best positioned to do so at the intersection of being a great fit for
While I stand by my assertion that audiences are much more tolerant regarding style than you think, that doesn’t mean that everything works everywhere.
Some matches are just not a good fit.
So, be as much “you” as possible, but get out of your way if that style keeps you from making a bigger impact because it’s not a good fit for either the content or the event.
And, of course, avoid compromising substance for style.
“Our audiences expect it that way.”
But honestly now, do they really?
The statement sounds as if it would be in service of the audience. But more often than not, it’s just an expression of fear.
The fear of rejection.
Because, well, what if they don’t like it the other way?
When I started to do things differently with my speaking some 20 years back, my colleagues in our working group were very worried about me. They kept reminding me that audiences would expect a more traditional way of presenting and that I was risking my reputation.
Turns out I wasn’t.
Neither did audiences expect a more traditional way.
A couple of things I frequently heard after a presentation:
“That was a refreshing way of presenting.”
“Finally, someone speaking plain English.”
“I loved the way that you spoke with us, not to us.”
No one had missed the boring bullet point galore of the traditional way.
In fact, never even once in my life have I met someone who would have preferred a boring presentation over a more entertaining one just because the boring would be more traditional.
Here’s what audiences really expect: They expect you to not waste their time.
Audiences are way more tolerant than you think regarding style.
What’s much more important is that
What I’ve learned is that the latter is much easier if you dare to be more “you” in the way you show up. But make sure that what you say is highly relevant.
Would love to hear your experiences with being you! How do you deal with the warning that “audiences expect it that way”?
Nowadays, even if there’s no sound, the world doesn’t feel silent very often, does it?
As soon as we pause, our phones cry “Check me!”.
The noise that’s social media (or Slack, email, you name it) doesn’t give our mind a pause like sitting in silence at a lake does.
Even though the latter might have much more ambient noise than your “silent office”.
What if you changed the meaning of silent to refer to giving your mind a little pause? To stop the noise of other people’s ideas flooding your thoughts and give your own thoughts a little more volume, even the quiet ones?
That kind of silence feels very different.
Actually, today feels like a good day to give it a try.
What’s your definition of silence?
When was the last time you truly experienced that?
My favorite TV show as a child always ended with a call to action: “You can safely switch off the TV now!”
Which we did. Even though it was probably more our parents’ decision than ours, it was often the start to some fun hours.
What if, after reading this post, you did the same?
There’s a day waiting outside.
Conversations to be had.
Walks to be made.
Smiles …
Feels like a good choice to me.
You can safely switch your device off now ;-)
You are backstage.
Palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms heavy.
In other words: You’re just plain terrified. Stage fright has got you in its grip and it’s squeezing hard.
Public speaking is the monster under the bed for grown-ups. It’s that universal fear that sends shivers down the spine of some of the boldest leaders.
Their powerful voices suddenly feel weak. Their decisive stride seems uncertain. Their usual commanding presence fades into doubt. Backstage, the bold leader is no longer a tower of strength.
Almost certainly, you’ve been hit with advice to conquer that fear. But in my experience, most of that advice actually achieves the opposite. It doesn’t make you feel less nervous but more.
Huh? More nervous? Let me explain …
Often, it’s quite a beast in terms of things you have to consider and do in the correct order: Deep breaths, power stance, eye contact, pacing, how to hold your hands, how to stand, when to smile, …
And that’s just the tip of the iceberg …
What’s worse is that all of this is on top of actually having to remember what you wanted to say. (Not to mention: actually saying it.)
I’ve never seen it work well. Not only does this advice not eliminate stage fright. As I said, it actually adds to the stress.
Which is why I prefer a very different approach that I hope can change the game for you, too.
In 16 years of working with leaders who went on stages, large and small, this is the only approach I’ve seen that has consistently led to improved confidence in front of audiences.
I’ve turned it into a free eBook: Speak Easy – 4 Steps to Total Confidence in Your Communication.
It’s a short read with a pretty unusual take.
If you haven’t done so already, download it here: https://michaelgerharz.com/speak-easy
PS: Please share this with someone you know who struggles with stage fright. I hope it can be a game changer for them.
If you’ve ever struggled with stage fright but somehow nothing you’ve tried has really worked, this is for you.
Perhaps you’ve already watched a couple of motivational YouTube videos that promised a fix.
Or you’ve been to workshops hoping to improve your body language to come across more confidently.
Maybe you’ve read some books or tried power posing and meditation.
But whatever you tried, either things didn’t really improve or you fell back to your old patterns shortly after.
I’ve tried some of these, too. I never found them to work well, either.
Until I’ve changed my approach.
I tried to understand what was really going on and realized that almost every advice out there only addresses the symptoms but not the cause. It’s a pretty unusual take that not many speak about but I think it’s obvious once you see it.
I wrote a little eBook to share with you what I’ve discovered over the years.
It works for me and it works for my clients.
I hope it does for you, too.
It’s also free.
Get it here: https://michaelgerharz.com/speak-easy
PS: If you find this useful, please share it with your friends and colleagues so that others can improve their stage presence, too.
